Caffeine: legal addictive stimulant that makes me type

One large coffee with 2 creams, please.

I love coffee.  I worked in a Gloria Jeans franchise when I was in high school and I remember the first time I walked in there to pick up an application with my friend; the smell about knocked the wind out of me.  We got the jobs and I believe I became addicted to that smell.  My coffee taste has matured through the years from creamy drinks with just the tiniest bit of coffee to a rich, black elixir.

As I age, I notice coffee having a stronger effect on me.  It makes me feel invincible and able to achieve anything.  In my most caffeinated states I have considered: writing a childrens' book, going back to school, starting my own business, writing a world-changing letter to the president, becoming super organized (haha), being a super-blogger and probably a host of other dreams that drained away once the coffee did.

Today, I type.  My son got tubes put in his ears this am.  The only reason I mention that is because that is the event that necessitated my large coffee with 2 creams.  He is peacefully sleeping.  I am not.  I am mulling over the world-changing ideas that my large beverage has ignited.

As I sipped my coffee, I watched "The Voice";  which I missed last night due to getting baby boy bathed and to bed in preparation for today.  I am a huge fan of this show.  I love listening to these incredibly gifted musicians and I get goosebumps when they sing.  However, my heart breaks for some of the contestants who have placed every hope they have in being discovered.  If only they could see how much God values them.  If only they could see past this finite world and see the value of God's love.

I am so grateful that God has chosen to open my eyes to His love.  I am so grateful that God has placed me in a church that teaches His Word and challenges me to follow the call of Christ to live for the glory of God.  I can't fathom who I would be without the hope that I have in Jesus.

This is not at all where I was planning to go with this post, but that is another effect of caffeine on me, I get a little spazzy with my thoughts; or maybe God put this in my heart.  I would put money on the latter.    Because I know that my God is in control of everything that happens.  He is all-powerful and has a purpose for every event, whether tragic or wonderful.  God knows what He's doing and I'm glad to be a part of it, and even more glad that I'm not in control of it!

"Praise Him from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him all creatures here below.

Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts.

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

  Amen."

Blown Away

I am currently reading Uneclipsing the Son by Rick Holland, and thanking God for blessing Rick with the words he's written.  I just have to share some snip-its that have touched my heart.

"Looking for and seeing and gazing at the excellencies, the glories of Jesus leads to greater vision, sharper focus, deeper awareness of Jesus and His permanent abiding presence." p 59

"Manifestations of Christ are the equivalent of having our joy filled up, where we're overwhelmed, exulting, enjoying Christ, loving the fact that we've been saved, loving the person of Jesus." p 60

"We must set ourselves to study the Scriptures and to obey all that Christ is revealed to be in them because sin dampens our affections and dulls our souls to our only hope of satisfaction.  Sin is the moon that eclipses the Son." p 61

"The essence of Christianity consists in believing.  Reason makes us men, but faith makes us true Christians." Thomas Vincent  p 64

"It is impossible to overstate how important the knowledge of Christ is to loving Him." p 64

"Everything our soul desires comes from understanding Jesus." p 65

"The truth is, what you want and what you need is Jesus, but you won't know that until you know Him. The more intensely He becomes the focused centrality of our faith, the more His worth overshadows all other joys."  p 65

Reading this tonight has awakened something in me.  I have to be completely honest and confess that it will probably not glare this brightly tomorrow as I am far too easily distracted by things that don't matter, but right now it's very clear.  I have for a long time completely misunderstood my purpose as a Christian.  It is not to live a "good" life.  It is not to be an example to others.  It is not to live so I can look back with no regrets.  It is not to live for anyone else's opinions, respect, or betterment.  "To live is Christ" if I may quote Paul; but to expound for my own sake, to live is to know Christ, to understand Him and love Him, to treasure deeply His sacrifice for me and the Words He left behind for me.  How much I desire to live with singular focus, seeing only my Savior and living for His pleasure.  How much better I would love those around me if I could truly get my head around how much Jesus loves me.

2 months

It's hard to believe I've been a mom for 2 months.  Somehow it seems that Clark has been part of my life longer than that and seems like he just got here.  I'm not sure how that works.... but I guess it does. I'm amazed over and over again how much love I feel for this baby boy.  His sweet smiles that he shares with me and the giggles that I coax out of him make me happier than I could've imagined.  This has given me just a peek into God's love for me.  What a wonderful blessing.

Random, amazing thoughts

Every now and again I am struck by the absolute amazingness of thought.  All that's up there is tissue, blood and electricity... and we can think!  I can have a conversation with myself or have random thoughts. It blows my mind! I have no idea how anyone can not believe in God with such an amazing contraption sitting on their neck.

More Snow Love

As I sit here on this SNOW DAY(!!!!!) I am taking in the wonderful world of white that surrounds me.  It is absolutely gorgeous.  Everything is clean and fresh and peaceful.  Then I let the dogs out, not so peaceful but still wonderful.

I went back to the nursery this morning and the sunrise was beautiful, casting a golden glow on the snow and the ice on the window.  

So I can't help but think what a great God we serve.  He blesses us with beautiful weather and then even makes it something we can have fun with!  Enjoy your blessings today!

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

I'm sitting here this wonderful fall morning sipping my Earl Grey tea, getting glorious whiffs of my harvest scented candles and reading "Transforming Grace" by Jerry Bridges. I attend a Bible study on Saturday mornings and we are currently going through this book, and I'm being challenged. Not only am I being challenged by this study but I am also being challenged by the study I'm doing on Wednesday nights at church, "Extreme Spiritual Makeover" by Kris Goertzen. When I say "challenged" I mean that my views of myself and my walk with my creator God are being stretched and changed.

It's funny how I've "known" my whole life that God has forgiven me of my sins and saved me from Hell, but how I've never considered what that really means. I'm realizing now, only with the help of God, just how extensive my sin is. The fact that I am part of the human race that started with Adam who rebelled against God means that I have rebelled against God. It's an innate characteristic of being human. Just looking at that, I deserve Hell; and that's not counting all my other actions that have voiced my high opinion of myself and attempts to survive without God. The amazing part of it is that God has rescued me from all that. HIS GRACE has been extended to me and if I accept it I am His and Hell and sin have no claim over me. The tragic part is that I still live as though I have some part in my being rescued. I think that my good behavior or bad behavior somehow influences my rescued-ness. The TRUTH is that it doesn't. Once I surrender to Christ, I am a new creation. He has already extended His grace over me and loves me. I will still struggle at times to live according to His example but that doesn't at all impact His delight in me. Now, looking at all of this, why am I not the most joyful, exuberant person in the world? I've been rescued into eternal life and am loved by the ONE who created everything and orchestrates every piece of this world and universe. How can I not be telling everyone how AWESOME my GOD is?!?!

So on this beautiful fall day I want to say, "I am the adopted daughter of the most amazing, most perfect, and wonderfully good God. And He chose to rescue me, a worthless sinner, and loves me. And nothing I have done deserved that."

Praise God!

Perfection

Walking outside this morning to water the garden and watch the dogs play I was delighted to find the perfect time of day. A balmy 73 degrees with a cool breeze. Fabulous! Too bad it'll be gone in an hour, if it takes that long. Reflecting on this quick glimpse of a comfortable summer led me into these next thoughts.

Isn't it interesting how we imagine our "perfect circumstances"? I don't think reality quite ever matches those images. Mostly, I think, because God loves to blow our minds. This morning I've been traveling down an interesting path: considering going back to school. As I've mentioned before these thoughts come to me a couple times a year, but today I pursued it a little more. Not to say anything will come of it, but I'm finding that it is a desire in my heart.

If you had asked me when I was in 2nd grade what I'd be doing at age 26 (creeping up on 27), I would have told you that I'd be a vet, married and have kids... and cats. Well, I'm 1 for 4 and glad that the cats are dogs instead. My image of the "perfect" life has morphed so much through the years. I'm finding more and more that the perfect life has nothing to do with education, career, accomplishments or awards. The perfect life is one in-tune with God. I'm fighting to find God's pitch at this moment. I can say that I've made strides in that I'm actually searching for His pitch and realizing that that is the only goal worth desiring, but I'm still testing out the tunes to find His.

He's given me so many passions in my heart, it's quite the challenge to find the one He is calling me to. In hindsight, I would have done college a little differently, to make some passions a little more feasible in my life today. But I have to remember that everything that I've done has been God's plan and I have to trust Him in that. Still, the "what ifs" don't always stay away.

So today, in my life I hope that God will shed some light on His plans for me. I'm excited to serve and desiring to grow, but need to tune in a little more to the Holy Spirit. I need to find contentment in my circumstances. Not to say that I need to settle, but I need to be overjoyed where God has me today. So I'll be working on that. Prayers much appreciated!

All this from a balmy 73 degree morning. Maybe I should cut back on the coffee!